i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
