well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
