I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
