the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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