did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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