And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize