WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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