How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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