Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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