puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
God gave him joint rollers for hands
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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