you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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