you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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