Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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