She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
