i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's rum buckets o'clock
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
