You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it glows. i had to have it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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