hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
