um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
