saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
