This is not my ceiling
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Couch. On fire.
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