WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
