Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
