your parents love me but you hate me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
