Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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