She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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