i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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