You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
