The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
