but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
