paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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