the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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