Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
