you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
