I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize