This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
