Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So squirting runs in the family.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
