Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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