She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
