We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
