All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
