Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize