whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
