I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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