i can't believe i had my finger in that
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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