It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
