It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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