What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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