Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
