Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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