my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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