i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
