when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
