Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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