party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
