Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
