ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
