Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
