Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
