we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
