i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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