I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
