they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
