it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
