Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize