Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is Oprah even human
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
