I puked a lego.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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