i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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