yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
