there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
