my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
