Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
